It’s really difficult to recognize a manipulator without the experience of communication with such people. In cases of infatuation, the mission is (almost) impossible. However, it’s better to possess some information than to waste your life on an unpleasant experience.

To define a manipulator at the initial stage of a relationship, you need to watch the actions of your object of adoration. Psychologists say a manipulator makes use of a certain line of conduct, and I agree with it.

It isn’t necessary for all the points to coincide, but even one coincidence should cause your concern.

Belittling your self-esteem

A manipulator tries to confuse a girl in her doubts, to make her feel insignificant and acknowledge his exclusiveness. These actions will lead to the inability of the girl to make her own decision without the approval of the manipulator. The most awful will happen as a result, when the girl will talk in his words and execute his orders.

It can be phrases such as:

“Oh, you’ve bought a new coat! Didn’t they have another color?”

“This haircut is trendy now, but you shouldn’t have it.”

“Don’t wash the dishes, I do it better.”

Sometimes one such phrase can testify to an inner complex of your partner, but when all his speech addressed to you consists of phrases-doubts, as I refer to them, it’s quite a loud wake-up call that means “it’s better to break up with this person just today.”

Hidden aggression

The majority of manipulators don’t expose their aggression. They influence their victim stealthily, making her feel guilty.

Guilt is the major weapon of a manipulator. He can induce it even in a person who was basically incapable of it before meeting him.

Abrupt and frequent mood swings

Mood swings and multiple changes in attitude to the girl is the typical behavior of a manipulator. Such a line of conduct is not peculiar to melancholic nature, it’s deliberate actions aimed to perplex a woman and make her wonder what she has done wrong.

Photo by Tatiana Niño on Unsplash

Neglectful attitude to desires of the girl

If at the initial stage of relationship the manipulator acted as a gentleman, in the future he’ll reveal his true face, tossing aside desires of the girl as those of minor importance. 

Actions can develop only according to his script.

For example: despite the woman being tired or busy, the date must be today; or he makes decisions concerning plans for the evening or weekend himself.

Dominant behavior towards other people

It’s necessary to fairly look at the behavior of your man with friends and colleagues, at his attitude to staff of attendants. If his behavior indicates a desire to dominate over others, he is most likely to manipulate not only other people but also his other half. Such is his “lifestyle.”

Breakup and a few pieces of advice

To break up with a manipulator is no easy, because, apart from negative periods, you’ll remember happy days as well. You know your beloved as a careful man capable of feelings. You are gnawed by your own guilt, though you are 0% to blame in the relationship with a manipulator.

You shouldn’t expect the manipulator to change his ways: if he complicates the life of his woman at the beginning of the relationship, it will be only worse in the future.

Don’t let your partner violate your privacy; preserve your opinion and convictions.

Don’t let guilt obsess you, and don’t build your future with a man-manipulator. Learn to love yourself — then guilt will cease to haunt you, and you’ll have a man capable of a healthy relationship.

26 yo with ASD (autistic spectrum disorder): a nice person with warm heart and beautiful-sometimes-crystal-clear mind.
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26 yo with ASD (autistic spectrum disorder): a nice person with warm heart and beautiful-sometimes-crystal-clear mind.

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