A prompt from one of my writing workshops asked students to discuss the following, “Where is anger found in relationships and what causes it?”
There is a wave of anger bubbling just beneath the surface. It is there because someone feels like they have been taken for granted. Conversations are one-sided at times, and feelings are seemingly unimportant. Patience and empathy are a strong suit for some, so they let it ride until the day comes when they really need to be heard. It is then they find that they are ignored.
So the witch’s brew of anger and resentment starts bubbling, just a little…
You love, but reciprocated love seems just out of reach while continuing to give of yourself without expectation. There is always a thank you, but never a thank you note.
Resolution is found for others because listening is easy and having the ability to help them put the puzzle of competing feelings, emotions, and facts together to build a concrete plan comes naturally. But, some find when the time comes for reciprocation of this support, it is unavailable.
The bubbling of resentment and anger intensifies…
Do they believe the facade of all is well because your life looks so put together from the outside? Or, the answer to a lack of support could be, they simply do not realize they are behaving in that way.
The kettle of anger and resentment is beginning to boil…
From love to anger and resentment is a razor-thin line, and when walking that edge the decision is whether to tell them or let that anger or resentment go.
Anger comes when people feel unappreciated, not supported emotionally, and not heard when they need someone close to listen. To resolve these issues and stay off that razor’s edge; we must figure out what it takes to communicate our needs.
Because, when anger bubbles and sizzles just beneath the surface, it is like a volcano building pressure or a pot of water about to boil over. Whether cooling it off or releasing the tension, something has to give to prevent a massive eruption that can have long-lasting effects on the relationship.
What do you do to ease the pressure and temperature building up? Do you tamp it down and cool it off by walking or writing or meditating? Or, do you allow it to explode in your conversations and interactions with your partner? If squashing the anger is a usual reaction, then like the magma of a volcano, the action only increases the pressure until a buildup of volcanic gases causes an eruption to occur.
When it comes to anger, angst, or frustration, the question really becomes to release or not to release. If released, will it escalate into a full-blown argument where words said can never be recalled and the pain they cause worse than the hurt inflicted by the instigating event?
There are times when even the best ‘filter’ is overridden by the angst and there is nothing that will stop those words spoken in anger.
While you try to remain calm when angry, it is difficult, especially when repetitive behavior causes you to feel like you are taken for granted. To diffuse the situation and make a point, pick a spot and tell them without making it an attack on their behavior.
What is the best way to maintain quality relationships? Listening and an ability to empathize are great ways to maintain healthy relationships.
To keep anger and hurt at bay make sure you take time to listen, and, also, set boundaries to be sure your needs are met as well. Without reciprocation in a relationship, anger and resentment will bubble just beneath the surface threatening the well-being of not only the individuals but the relationship. Remember to listen, love, and understand that they need the same support you do.
By creating a healthy relationship, you can avoid the witch’s brew of anger and resentment.