Whether you watched the film starring Keira Knightley or one of the Russian adaptations or read the very novel by Tolstoy, you surely came across the phrase about the main character which sounds like:

“She was being torn between her love for two men: her new beloved and her son, who was kept away from her by her husband.”

 Sounds logical, and the book seems to relate about the same. But when you happen to encounter suicides in real life, you come to see the novel by Tolstoy from the other perspective.

I do believe in her madly loving heart. I believe and understand that a woman can fall in love even with the most selfish man on Earth, who is right for her neither for his age nor for his social position. But to think that a woman committed suicide because she could express her love for neither of the men valuable to her? I can’t believe it.

Does one need much?

No, not at all. And when a person loves and sees the meaning of their life in giving their love to the other, the whole meaning usually ends here. But Anna always had at least one man. Yes, it is enough for the heart torment, but it’s also enough for giving your love to the other one. And the character’s suicide contradicts this theory-reason.

Anna was caught on the hook of the amorous eyes of her new man: he listened to her, he understood her, he pitied her. Not only did he devote every second of his presence — he was absorbed by her as much as she was absorbed by him. And the woman’s heart gave the wrong response. Anna felt that her love was seen, appreciated and accepted, while the lad was being enchanted by Anna, saw in her himself and showed his empathy. Such a notion as love he only heard of. Perhaps he even thought he had such a feeling for Anna. 

But as he had never dealt with love, he was not able to accept it either.

When everyone rejects you

A few chapters before suicide Anna found herself in a preposterous and at the same time ordinary situation: in her husband’s house her son was waiting for her, not understanding the behavior of his mother and probably having already refused to accept her love; at home she would have met the lad who was basically incapable of love.

She was being torn by the situation with no possible solution: she was in need of loving somebody, but there was no one to love. To return to her husband and find herself in the cage with her son, who was unlikely to forgive her abandoning the family? The Anna’s heart couldn’t have endured it. To stay with the enamored lad? Though her heart was anxious to do so, her remarkable mind knew for sure: she actually didn’t have anyone here either. 

There was no one to give her love to in the new house.

There are such women

They don’t follow their fate, they don’t look for affairs, and they aren’t prone to playing house. The hearts of these women are so alive they illumine their whole way — they just need it. But if the heart of such women is forbidden to work, they’ll literally have no possibility to live.

Her suicide was not only justified: it was the only door to open.

26 yo with ASD (autistic spectrum disorder): a nice person with warm heart and beautiful-sometimes-crystal-clear mind.
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26 yo with ASD (autistic spectrum disorder): a nice person with warm heart and beautiful-sometimes-crystal-clear mind.

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