Author: Kay Bolden

Sex and the Seasoned Woman

Here’s the thing about New Orleans: when you get here, you can be somebody else. Somebody totally different from the you you have to be in Cincinnati or Tampa or Des Moines. Somebody who doesn’t care if you left your make-up at home, or lost your panties in the cab. You can dance, languidly, in doorways. You can sing into the mic. You can tell your stories to strangers. You can sit, quietly, on the riverbank, and hear the water pounding like blood. You can let the night sky swallow you up. You can remember who you meant to be, all those...

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5 Questions Your Mentor Should be Asking

My first job out of college was for a state social service agency. I’d moved to San Diego on a whim, with no job or prospects. Just two suitcases, four hundred bucks, and that ridiculous sense of invincibility you have when you’re 23. My job search was a joke. For months, I worked 4 nights a week as a cocktail waitress, wearing the shortest skirts and the highest heels allowed, because I needed the tips from the geriatric (40-year-old) guys. When I saw the ad for the social services job, I rushed down the list of qualifications. College degree,...

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Show Me Yours, I’ll Show You Mine

My Verbs, I Mean. I met the dynamic, best-selling author Damon Suede for the first time in Boston, at a romance writers’ conference. I was new and nervous and dorky, and I wandered into his class by accident. It was 10am and he was pouring Margaritas, and I decided to just trust the process, you know? By the time the conference ended, I’d bought all his books, stalked him on Twitter, and embraced his mantra: What’s Your Verb? We all have one, according to Damon. A verb that cuts through all the masks we wear, a verb that defines us, illuminates...

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Sex and the (Mature) Single Girl

I’m not ashamed to admit it: I still read Cosmo. I am, however, ashamed to buy it in the grocery store. (They cancelled my subscription recently. Apparently my name came up on some AARP list.) So I send my daughter to buy it. Or I steal it from the nail salon. In the 1980’s, when I was a young woman just entering the world of adult dating, Cosmo was my secret goldmine of information. Sure, it was shallow and slick and a little too enthusiastic about casual sex. But where else was I going to learn how to Find the Perfect Little...

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Unleash Your Inner Beagle

Focus Less, Play More Persistence paid off. I stumbled off the plane at O’Hare, dragging my smelly backpack and my bad attitude with me. I’d spent 6 hours in turbulence, 4 hours sleeping like a pretzel at Heathrow, 2 hours on a bus, and 90 minutes on a sardine flight from Inverness, Scotland, where my luggage was still being held hostage. My weeks of hiking in the Highlands had been a dream come true, but getting home was a nightmare. Passport control at O’Hare — if you’ve never had the pleasure — is like swimming through muddy water. With electric eels. Today, in...

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