It’s simple to change your whole life for the better, but it’s not easy.

The key to this type of personal transformation is cultivating your sense of lovingness. Interestingly enough, if you attain a high-enough state, you will even love the unlovable, alert to the numbness and pain of those who say and do harmful things. 

If you ever reach a point where your entire day is predominated by love and acceptance, you’ve pretty much transcended your ego-driven human limitations and discovered your natural state of beingness. If you are able to persist in this state day after day, you will have attained the tranquility and poise of your own Buddha-nature or Christ-consciousness.

Spontaneous Lovingness

Many years ago, I would dedicate my Sunday mornings to preparing breakfast with a humanitarian group to feed the homeless at various churches in Ventura, California. Despite the fact that we had to get up early, work in overheated kitchens, move frantically to get things done on time, and deal with a jostling crowd, we were all thrilled to be there. We joked and laughed and had a merry old time from the minute we started meal prepping to the time the last frying pan got scrubbed clean.

In retrospect, I think we were all as high as kites, despite not having time to even drink any coffee, because we were in a state of lovingness. While, of course, it was gratifying to see starving people enjoy a nourishing, hot meal and the camaraderie of working alongside good people was delightful, I believe it was the willingness to open up our hearts that made us receptive to an infusion of cosmic energy. We all felt connected to something beyond our immediate self-interest and elevated to a higher state of being in the world. 

Being Yourself

Being yourself is often conceived of as having the time and space to do your own thing without interruption, but I think it runs far deeper than merely basking in freedom and relishing the happiness of self-expression.

When you are truly yourself, then you are in an elevated state of consciousness, which arises because you are in a state of lovingness. This feeling of harmony and peace, this feeling of positive outflowing energy from the heart center, is usually based on doing something that gives you enormous satisfaction. It could be something as simple as sipping tea under a gorgeous Jacaranda tree or something as complex as completing a work of art. What we are doing or experiencing is not as important as how we feel about it. 

Harmony with Others

While it is easier to enjoy being yourself and falling into a natural flow of lovingness by doing or experiencing something that you love, it is not always as easy to do it with others. 

Sometimes we get lucky and hang out with the right people. When that happens, no effort is needed to create a sense of shared psychic space. At other times, we may have to make an effort to get along.

Usually, the easiest way to harmonize with others is to avoid wanting to change them in any way. Once they feel your acceptance, they will drop their egoic need to compete or challenge you.

 In this empathetic space, when you allow others to feel safe around you, you may even discover remarkable patience when you are forced to listen to their complaints about their awful life. Although lending a sympathetic ear to their tales of woe, you will remain in your own space of detached awareness, an equanimous state arising from feeling care and consideration.

Conclusion

The more you can become loving, the easier it is to view everything without a reflexive aversion. When you feel loving, you lose your desire to constantly self-evaluate your performance, your desire to reform other people, or your desire to make inadequate things or events more functional. You accept what is as it is because you enclose it in spaciousness.

While there are many superficial, hedonistic, and adaptive ways of being yourself, the most profound and fulfilling way is to square everything with love, allowing your lovingness to direct your actions, orchestrate your interactions, and nourish your creative works. Your capacity to love will straighten out what is crooked, heal what is broken, and attract the abundance you need to flourish in life.

Saleem Rana writes to inspire people to change their lives for the better. After college, he traveled around the world as a business journalist. Later, he earned a master’s degree in psychology and became a psychotherapist. Today, he writes books and articles on productivity and self-improvement.
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Saleem Rana writes to inspire people to change their lives for the better. After college, he traveled around the world as a business journalist. Later, he earned a master’s degree in psychology and became a psychotherapist. Today, he writes books and articles on productivity and self-improvement.

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