Or with the emergency brake on.
Spinning your wheels won’t get you too far, especially if you’re driving in lower gear, or heaven forbid if you forgot to take off the parking brake. You will be exerting much more energy than necessary, while not making the progress you would like. All the while wasting precious fuel in futile attempts to get where you want to go.
Yet, it seems I have been doing exactly this for years. While I may have been aware on some level, that this was in fact happening, I had not a clue how to rectify it. What and how could I change this momentum?
It’s just been in the last couple of years that I’ve come to terms with a myriad of circumstances and aspects of my life.
Moving across the country to start, which entails many changes. New city, province, car, home. school…etc. A lot of firsts.
The awesome experience we had getting our stuff here. NOT FUN… BTW.
Upon arrival, we hit the road running…
It seemed that as things would start to run smoothly, we would run into yet another obstacle, and another and another… They say things happen in three’s: I daresay perhaps in multiples of sixes or sevens!
One thing I did not expect though, was how different the climate was. The air pressure, the humidity. I started noticing oddities with my hearing, how my ears seemed to be plugged all the time. My head seemed like there was some intangible pressure that was difficult to discern at first.
It progressed to the point that I lost a good portion of my hearing on the left side, due to an ear infection that was at first misdiagnosed.
This was partly because you need to live in a new province about 3 months before applying for health care. By the time I was properly diagnosed, it had become substantially worse, and the constant ringing in my ear that had odd pitches and volumes. I could barely hear on my left side, not including the pain and pressure,
Being the Negative Nelly that I was, I was not entirely optimistic that I would regain my full hearing upon completion of treatment. In fact, it was weeks afterward that I started noticing my hearing coming back, though not quite as before.
I may very well need a hearing test….
I said… just kidding. Kinda. I probably have about 40% hearing left, though I won’t know until I actually have said hearing test done. To be honest, I’ve had chronic ear infections for a long time, as did my mother. I thought as you got older, this would no longer be an issue!
I also came down with persistent strep throat, which took another course of antibiotics. This was a double whammy, since taking strong antibiotic have some nasty side affects.
Shortly thereafter, I learn that my mother was dealing with health issues, and I’m over 3000 km away. To say I was inundated with stress, would be laughable. It was just one thing after another after another…
I definitely climbed to the next plateau of grinning and bearing it, though certainly not gracefully at times.
I had my little family and of course, Sally, my fur baby. She and I do not travel well, to put it mildly.
However, she is living her sunset years in a house with a huge backyard, which is something we had longed for. She doesn’t quite explore the yard as much as I thought she would, but she certainly loves sitting on the front porch and checking the perimeter, as she sees fit. Rolling in the dust…Flashing her big belly to the world… Ahh, to be a cat!
As another year comes to a close, I , like many others, take inventory of my year. What have I learned?…. What do I need to learn going forward? What am I most grateful for, and how I can best learn to navigate through my bad spells of self loathing, anxiety, and melancholia…. ?
How to channel my anger more appropriately, so as not to cause rifts with the people I love the most. No matter how much they may drive me crazy at times, since I know for certain that I AM NOT an easy person to live with!
We each have goals to strive for, and we’ll work to make them a reality.
As for me?
It’s almost been a year that I’ve joined Medium, and I’ve gotta say, it’s probably one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.
Most of all, because I am now tangibly working toward a goal that was always put off, or I’ve talked myself out of it.
I’ve “met” such an awesome bunch of people here whose names I’d writing till the wee hours… and we know what happens after midnight don’t we?
I will turn into something feral, something wholly ungodly, that you will wonder what misfortune you may have had in a past life, to warrant my paying you a visit!!!
So much encouragement and hope given freely without drama. This truly is a place of kindred spirits, and I’m proud be to be a part of it.
Going forward truly is the only place one can go, while soaking up all of life’s lessons along the way.
No one ever said it would be easy!!
I’ve had plenty of angels looking out for me here on Earth, though I’m sure they’re begging for a break already…
Maybe they’ll meet at Starbucks and have a latte to discuss, “How do you solve a problem like Robina??!”
I’m actually Robin, but it doesn’t have the same ring without the “a”.
So shoot me will ya?
Lol just kidding… we wouldn’t want to make Mrs. Claus, (AKA KD Murray ) mad now would we?!
She’ll tell Santa, and I won’t get my red Mustang!!!
But seriously, here’s to this year winding down and gearing up for new possibilities to come!
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