Tell the voices inside your head that they don’t belong there.
Fear can go to hell, shame can go there too.
I know whose I am. God, I belong to you.
Prophesy Your Promise by Bryan and Katie Torwalt
This was one of those days when I felt most alive. Nothing like the day before and it was simply because of a song I had never heard before.
The day before was one of the most frustrating days I had experienced in a long time. I had orders with customers that weren’t going well, had another one of those “can’t believe it” moments with my boss and literally was ready to just throw everything in the garbage and go be a hermit where I wouldn’t have to be around people ever again.
I couldn’t decide where I wanted to go run that Saturday but knew I wanted to get as far away from people as I possibly could. Late Friday night, I declared to my forever girlfriend, “I’m going to go run the Wall of Death tomorrow!”
She, being of sound mind and common sense, said: “You do realize it’s still buried in the snow we just got this week, right?”
Of course, I knew that but I needed to run something difficult, something that would challenge me and get me outside of my head.
So I, of course, declared that of course I was going and set about getting all my gear ready.
As I was getting my gear ready I clicked on my music app and just typed in “fear”. I had no idea why I typed that in but immediately tons of songs popped up. Out of all the songs about “fear” that popped up, this one song stood out because it didn’t have “fear” in the title.
“Prophecy Your Promise.” I thought to myself. “That sounds intriguing.”
As the music started I was pulled in, my spirit was soothed but I still couldn’t figure out what this song had to do with fear. Then I heard it in the middle of the song.
“Fear can go to hell. Shame can go there too. I know whose I am. God, I belong to you.”
This was precisely what I needed to hear at this moment when I felt the most dead that I have felt in a very long time. I needed to hear that I can tell fear to go to hell. That because of whose I am, fear and everything it restricts me from being, doesn’t have to be a part of my life.
Coming Alive Again
As I pulled into Little Horn Canyon with the sun rising on the horizon, something jumped in my spirit.
“Prophecy Your Promise” and most of all “fear can go to hell” was on an endless loop inside my mind as I got my gear ready and prepared to tackle The Wall of Death.
This is a serious trail not for the faint of heart. Going from about 5000′ of elevation to 8300′ at the top of Dry Fork Pass over 3.5 miles with pitches that are some serious climbs, you don’t approach this with fear. There are parts of this section of trail that can just make you want to sit down and cry they are so difficult.
Something was different about this time and it wasn’t just the wall of snow that I experienced in the first mile.
Something inside me was changing, transforming. And it felt good.
As I climbed I kept singing (whenever I could catch a breath), “fear can go to hell. Shame can go there too. I know whose I am. God, I belong to you.”
I’m sure the deer, elk, and bear that I knew were around as I saw many of their tracks in the snow were pretty worried about this strange dude singing off key in their home.
But man did I feel alive. The most alive I have felt in a very long time.
Why Was I Feeling Alive?
As I arrived at the summit of the Wall of Death and proceeded down the trail another six miles, I stopped momentarily because I knew I needed to remember this moment. There was something life changing about it.
Why did I feel so alive? What changed that took my depression and hopelessness and cast it into the depths of the deepest canyon you could ever find?
It wasn’t the outward me that had changed. I was still plowing ahead accumulating miles like always. Something inside changed and I wanted to remember that moment so I could pull it out the next time hopelessness tried to get a hold on me.
As I stood in the snow contemplating and singing in my head, a verse came to me.
“For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love, and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7 (The Passion Translation)
I felt most alive simply because of what I have been given and what has been taken from me.
The spirit of fear, which cripples and debilitates everything it touches, does not belong to me because it has been taken from me. When I committed to living a Jesus life, that was the moment that fear went straight to hell for it no longer controlled my life.
When I take on the spirit of fear and allow it a foothold in my life, what I have done is replace what has been given me with what was taken from me.
I am most alive when I am living in the mighty power, love, and self-control that have been freely given me.
Mighty power is to slay the dragons in my life that would like to make me feel as though I am worthless and will never amount to anything.
Self-control is to remind me that in the power of the risen One I can defeat the fear and shame that normally grip me.
Love is to share with the world the inexpressible joy that comes with a simple decision to follow instead of pretending I am God. This love allows me to accept others just as they are without needing to fix them or control them.
Deciding to live in what I have been given is what makes fear go to hell. This is what it means to live an ultra life.