Depression is a feeling of hopelessness. That’s how I see it. I’ve felt hopeless most of my life.

This is especially true after I had my Masters’ degree. Halfway through I realized I would never use this degree. I didn’t expect or was looking for a job.

My family had just started a business. It was my mom, my brother, and me.

It was in the medical field so it took four fucking years to get certified. My mom and brother have a background in that area.

I was all politics and investing. I knew nothing about the medical field.

My brother still had graduate school so he was busy doing his stuff.

It was only my mom and me. She did all the work while I was forced to stay in the office.

I was forced because the State of California requires someone to be at the office Monday through Friday, 9:00AM to 5:30PM.

They wanted to make sure someone was in the office just in case there was an emergency. Haven’t they ever fucking heard of a cell phone?

They could check up anytime.

So that’s what I’ve been doing ever since. I’ve been staying at the office doing my thing.

Because I have no experience in a field where I’m doing business in, I had no control over much.

I felt hopeless. And that led to me being depressed.

It’s not that kind of depression where I want to take my own life. It’s nothing like that.

This sort of depression stems from the hopelessness of the situation. There are times I just want to run away and live overseas.

But I have responsibilities.

I wake up every morning feeling like shit. The drive isn’t too bad, but I feel like shit. Even when I get to the office every morning, I feel like shit until about 9:30AM when I get to work.

I don’t actually do much when it comes to the business. I answer phone calls, file forms, and talk to vendors who want to do business with us. That usually takes up a total of 2 hours of my work day.

The rest of the time I’m blogging or figuring a way how to make an income that enables me to quit this business.

I have a workflow business, but that relies primarily on the family business.

Every day I wonder if I’ll ever be successful… and free.

Depression, in this context, is a feeling of hopelessness. I look out the window from my office and see people waiting for the bus. Even though they may have way more difficult lives than me, I can’t help but wish to trade places with them for a day.

Of course this doesn’t make sense. First world problems, right?

Perhaps. But I’m just sharing with you how I feel. Maybe you can relate somehow.

My problems are just different. My depression is just different. It’s not any more easier or more difficult than someone else’s.

I heard this saying from Brian Tracy (he’s sort of like a Tony Robbins), you can stub your toe and the feeling will be stronger than hearing about 1,000 people in Bangladesh die from a flood.

It went something like that.

The point is that we all deal with problems. My depression may be something entirely different from yours. But it’s MY depression, and it’s YOUR depression.

I can never truly understand your situation and you mine.

How do I fix my depression; that feeling of hopelessness.

One day, I’ll have to deal with it.

Just like you have to deal with your depression.

For me, I define depression as being in a hopeless situation. Hopelessness comes about because of inactivity or change to a situation.

I’m scared to make a change. That’s the bottom line.

And however you define your depression, you’ll have to deal with it. It’s going to be hard. I haven’t figured it out yet, but I’m getting there.

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