Be bold, never regular.
Please, sir, I want some more…
This is what poor little Oliver, driven by his hunger, had the temerity to ask in Charles Dickens famous novel “Oliver Twist”.
Oliver was beaten for his audacity of “asking for more”, black and blue.
But in spite of that, he became an unlikely hero, a poor, hungry boy who had the guts to revolt against tyranny.
That brings us to the question of “asking” or “expressing our desires”
It isn’t always easy to express our desires. We worry that others will see us as pushy or demanding, or that we’ll be turned down. But asking for what you want is a necessary part of life, and I’ve found that the more you practice it, the easier it becomes.
And here are some of the ways in which we can ask anything boldly without any inhibitions.
Be 100% sure of what you want
Imagine you’re at a dealership and you tell the salespeople that your budget is 10K. If they respond, “We have a newer model with leather seats and a sunroof for 13K,” your response should be, “My budget is 10K.” If they tell you only rust buckets go for 10K, tell them your budget is 10K and then walk away.
The point to be noted here is that you should not allow your ask or demand to be changed or bullied by somebody else. Because when that happens, you would be never taken seriously and will remain a doormat always.
Always remember, the more confident you are of your “ask”, the more are the chances of it been given to you without any hesitation.
Communicate, what you want boldly
If a friend asks you to go to a party with them but you don’t want a late night, you can choose to say no or agree to go on your own terms. Rather than asking if it’s okay if you leave early, tell them that you will go with them for a bit but you want to get a good sleep.
The point here is “being assertive” about what you want and conveying that in clear terms. Many a time we “want” something else but end up asking something else to make others “happy”.This results in unnecessary misunderstanding and resentment.
Always remember, if you set boundaries and communicate them, everyone will know where they stand, and it will prevent future blowups.
Be fully aware of the consequences
Every request comes with a price and there is no free lunch in this world. Remember “Oliver Twist” perfectly knew what will happen to him when he asked for more but still, he went ahead. That was the price he anticipated and paid for it.
For instance, asking for a raise may mean a tense conversation with your boss — and if you’re successful, nine times out of ten the raise will come with additional responsibilities. That’s the cost: You have to be willing to do what’s required.
Always remember, you cannot enjoy what you have “asked” unless you don’t accept the price.
You “Deserve” what you want
This is the most important principle of asking. Unless you fully “believe” in yourself that you deserve what you want, you will never get it. That is the way the universe works. If you don’t put your trust in it, it won’t deliver.
By focusing on what you want or need in life, rather than questioning whether you’re worthy to receive, you will help guide your own success and self-confidence will follow. The only person who can be your best judge is YOUonly and no one else.
Always remember, only when you’re certain of your true desires will you have the courage to pursue them and get them. That is the stark, naked truth.
Ask without any expectation
Was “Oliver Twist” expecting to get more soup when he asked for more.
No. he was expecting a beating and even worse more starvation as punishment.
But he still went ahead and asked.
When you want something, you may be required to ask more than once — and you can’t get too attached to the manner through which you receive it. If you want love, your partner might take a long time in reciprocating. If you want a career, there might be a lot of bumps and trails on the way, before you reach your destination.
The key here is not expecting anything instantly to happen. Asking without expectation prevents negativity and loss of focus towards the final destination. In many cases, the “final destination” might not be even the “destination” we had dreamed of. But it is a goal achieved, nevertheless.
Always remember, asking for and receiving what you want means keeping the faith that you will get it, even if the outcome doesn’t look the way you thought it would.
Bringing it All together
We always want more from life, from others, from ourselves.
It is this “constant asking for more” that leads to dissatisfaction which is our greatest human asset. Our dissatisfaction makes us grow, invent and create new things. Living Life fully is experiencing and facing the terrifying attractiveness of the ‘more’ of life.
Yes, we are made for greater things — call it God, spirit, infinity, art, science, religion or simply humanity. Being human and being alive means thirsting for more, walking the untrodden path, reaching out to a ‘beyond’ that beckons from within.
And all this requires “Asking boldly whatever you want” without inhibitions.
As Iyanla Vanzant has rightly said.
“It’s not selfish to put yourself first — it’s self-full.”