A child who believes that he or she is loved, lovable, and loving flourishes in life.

Yet while a feeling of love and approval arises without effort when witnessing the innocence and exuberance of a child, we habitually withhold these warm feelings from our own inner child.

When you feel this sense of alienation from your own inner child, then you have identified with an illusion and become the source of your own torment.

The illusion is that the sensitivity, beauty, and intuition of the child that you once were is no longer latent in your psyche.

The illusion is that things happen to you and that you play no causal role in your personal problems.

The illusion is that you are helpless against negative life experiences and can’t initiate self-healing to readjust your reality.

When this disconnection with yourself occurs, this estrangement from your own inner world, all sorts of aberrations show up in your life as unpleasant life situations.

Four of the most common types of dysfunction are health issues, financial problems, relationship conflicts, and psychological dysfunction.

Health Issues

While it’s common to assume that health issues arise from some agency or that the self-organization of the body spontaneously breaks down, this is an over-simplification of how the mind-body system interact.

When you feel an emotional upset, it triggers a physiological reaction, which makes your immune system vulnerable to germs or toxins in the environment. Often, we simply label this as stress-induced issues. This again is an oversimplification of the complex biochemical events that occur in your body when the stability of your mind has been compromised by psychological turmoil.

By loving and approving of your body when it is feeling terrible, you reverse the breakdown process. You initiate a healing response. Affirmations and wishing your body well will bring about wellness.

Financial Problems

Financial problems also appear to impinge themselves upon us from the outside. Yet we do have something to do with it. Somewhere along the way, we did not make the right decisions about earning, spending, saving, or investing.

The solution, again, is to go within, forgive yourself for any role you have played in your misfortunes, and release the resistance, the anger, and the resentment that is keeping you from taking constructive, remedial action.

Once you love and approve of your finances, just as they are, regardless of how broken they may be, you begin to open up the gateway of new possibilities unfolding for you. You will have fresh ideas about what to do and meet the right people to advise you on how to sort things out.

When you accept what is — instead of denying it — then you can deal with reality. Yet, unless you can feel love and approval for yourself, nothing will change, and even if you resolve the situation, it will only be temporary, and it will recur again and again.

Relationship Conflicts

When there are relationship conflicts, you not only do not love and approve of yourself but also do not love and approve of others. Harsh words, cold attitudes, self-centered behavior can quickly escalate, compounding upon itself over time.

The solution is the same. Get right with yourself by loving and approving of yourself regardless of what is going on.

When you are at peace with yourself, then you are more likely to see the other as yourself, someone lost in an egoic struggle for recognition and acknowledgment, someone fighting for a clear vision of what to do and how to go about changing things.

Psychological Dysfunction

When you feel emotional upheaval, it can often be hard to understand what is going on. Your emotions hijack your clear reason, and whatever reasoning you do is biased, prejudicial, and skewered. In fact, the more you think, the worse things get, especially if you take action on your dysfunctional thoughts.

This angst may then ransack your past, looking for every instance where you have been guilty of reckless, foolish, hurtful, or outright destructive behavior. You become your own judge and jury, with your ego, like a competent prosecutor, bringing out every possible act of wrongdoing — done by yourself or others — that is now responsible for your terrible life situation.

Unsatisfied with condemning yourself with the evidence of your past violations of human decency, the ego may then forage into the future, filling you with fear and dread about how the patterns of the past will be your ruin in the near future.

If this type of vicious projection continues too far, a person may either plunge into suicidal ideation or have a nervous breakdown or develop a serious physical illness.

An infusion of love and approval for yourself, complete acceptance of the situation, and a willingness to work with reality will turn things around for yourself. Otherwise, you turn your greatest gift — the ability to think, to reason, to understand — against yourself. You will then work to hurt yourself with more passion than your worst enemy. Self-loathing is the ultimate form of punishment.

Neurosis and psychosis are a result of the mind breaking down all barriers of self-understanding, distorting every aspect of reality until you only see other people as hostile and the world as a dangerous place.

While you may be able to borrow the compassion of a psychologist or others in the healing profession to start feeling better about ourselves, the only thing that will change your life for the better are repeated doses of love and approval for yourself, regardless of what you did or failed to do in the past.


Turning the life-infusing power of love and approval upon yourself may seem an unlikely way to remedy serious issues you are facing with your health, money, relationships, or psychological well-being, but it is enough to precipitate the support, resources, and guidance you need to heal your life and return to a state of feeling whole and well again.

Saleem Rana writes to inspire people to change their lives for the better. After college, he traveled around the world as a business journalist. Later, he earned a master’s degree in psychology and became a psychotherapist. Today, he writes books and articles on productivity and self-improvement.
Saleem Rana writes to inspire people to change their lives for the better. After college, he traveled around the world as a business journalist. Later, he earned a master’s degree in psychology and became a psychotherapist. Today, he writes books and articles on productivity and self-improvement.

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