I saw her for the first time in 8 months — my ex. It was a nightmare coming true right before my eyes.

I broke up with her months before, and since we lived so far apart, I couldn’t do it in person. But I wanted to do the kind thing and give her closure because quite frankly she deserved it after what I put her through.

In a recent article I explained how I waited months to break up with her because I didn’t want to hurt her.

In a way, I was trying to be kind to her. My heart was trying to find a way forward that didn’t end with her heartbroken and sad. I delayed my own happiness for literal months in the name of kindness, and this backfired on me in the end.

I shouldn’t have been so kind.


Fast Forward A Bit

Fast forward to today and I’m getting lambasted by my current girlfriend because I gave my ex closure a few months ago. On my own vacation, I’m getting the silent treatment and the cold shoulder.

Because I tried to be kind, I’m now getting punished for it.

I shouldn’t have been so kind.


Oh, One More Thing

I have kept my current relationship a secret from everyone who follows me on social media. Oh, did I mention my parents don’t even know? Oops. Keeping 300,000 people on social media (and my parents) in the dark about my love life has been difficult, but I did it because I don’t want 300,000 people knowing who my girlfriend is.

I learned that lesson already.

I have made an attempt to keep things civil with my ex, because she is a great person and I’ve hurt her enough, but recently she found out I have a girlfriend and got mad at me because I never told her.

I actually lied to her when she asked me if I had someone new because I didn’t think it mattered that much and I also didn’t want to hurt her. I wanted to be kind.

I shouldn’t have been so kind.

Now I have two people I care about angry with me when all I wanted to do in the first place was to be kind to both of them.

Life sucks, doesn’t it?


Prioritize THIS Over Kindness…

True, being honest could’ve solved a lot of these problems, but I know where honesty can sometimes get you in relationships.

I remember being honest with my high school girlfriend when I told her I compared her to my ex sometimes. I know I’m a shitty person, I get it, but back then I thought you should ALWAYS BE HONEST. I was like Ned Stark. The world was pretty black and white.

Besides, isn’t honesty a virtue? Shouldn’t we always be honest? She asked me a question and it didn’t feel right to lie, so I didn’t.

I learned that day that it’s best to tell white lies in relationships sometimes.

She didn’t need to know that information.

And I’ve told many white lies about useless stuff ever since in my relationships because I know none of them freaking matter that much. If you want to debate me on that, go ahead. I’ll lie when I tell you I’m happy to get your opinion and then we can both just move on without arguing for 3 hours.

How much time and heartache would that little white lie save us? A lot.

And that’s all I try to do with my relationships. I lie about truly meaningless stuff sometimes in the name of being kind.

But now I’m realizing this isn’t the way it should be. I need to get back to that Ned Stark version of myself who’s a little more honest. It takes guts to be honest, and I think I should start prioritizing bravery over kindness.

You shouldn’t always be kind. Sometimes it might be good to be a little harsher with people. It’s best to take a nosedive sometimes instead of gradually bringing the plane down to postpone the inevitable.

Weird analogy. You can tell me how you feel about that in the comments.

The Mission Contributor. 25. Published on Thought Catalog. YouTuber. Travel blogger. Visit Tom on HisYouTubeChannel.
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The Mission Contributor. 25. Published on Thought Catalog. YouTuber. Travel blogger. Visit Tom on HisYouTubeChannel.
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