Some people build a time capsule to, years later, relive their past. I want to create one with the reverse purpose: I want to send something to my past.
In my time capsule, there will be only one item: a letter.
I’m going to write it now, put it in the capsule, and sent it to you. You’ll receive it the moment after I left the hospital room, where you stayed with a nurse, holding your pre-surgery tablets.
After a warm hug, we looked deep into each other’s eyes and, in silent, we said goodbye.
That moment I believed that you’d come back to me, that our worse fears wouldn’t become true. But they did, stealing me the chance to tell you what I was so afraid. I’m going to do that, now; I will tell you what you needed to know then.
I’m going to write you a letter, sent it in the time capsule so you can read it before you enter that cold, dark room.
My letter will be the last thing you’ll read, these words will be our last.
11, July 2004
Holding my hands, you told me, seconds ago, ‘see you later.’ My fears suffocated me, I couldn’t speak. I was unable to say goodbye.
Today, in a far future, I write this letter to offer you what I wasn’t able, in our last moment together: peace.
I was blinded by the chance our hug could be the last one, that I’d lose you. The glimpse of a life without you stole my voice.
The hug we shared was a promise of eternal love, our intimate kiss was everything. Always and Forever
But there’s something I missed to give you: the ensuring that everything was going to be alright, that I’d keep the promise you made me say out loud: ‘I will be happy.’
Alone but never in loneliness (you’re always with me), I’ve built another life; away from ours, but not away from us.
I chase dreams with eagerness, I adventure myself into the unknown, I live each moment as if it’s the last one — you taught me to taste each day with the ephemerality that it holds. I experience my life at its core. Everything can disappear in a glimpse.
My life it’s incomplete, but it’s beautiful; it’s vibrant, conquered, and amazed, shared with people that make me smile.
Trust in my happiness, trust that I am alright. Even in your absence, you take care of me.
Now, close your eyes, take a deep breath and be brave.
Goodbye, my love. I love you always and forever.