I looked up at the little colorful rocks above my head. They were of different sizes and shapes. The question was “Which one do I reach for?”
I could feel my arms muscle straining trying to hold my weight as I considered my options. I hadn’t made up my mind when my hands slipped and just like that, I fell backward.
My heart lurched, I squealed a little and my brain went into survival mode, bracing myself.
One second I felt the falling and the next, I didn’t.
Hey, I was absolutely fine.
I didn’t actually fall. I mean I did, but only a little. Not like a life-threatening drop.
It was my third rock climbing. I fell in love with it the first time I tried it, me being the adrenaline junkie that I am. I love the rush and the challenge the wall of rocks presents.
I’m still a beginner and so far, I’ve only climbed the relatively easy walls. The first time, I didn’t make it all the way to the top. The second, I climbed the first wall I tried and made it all the way to the top and the third time…
I fell for the very first time.
I lost my grip and fell. But I’m glad I fell. I’m glad I got to experience my first fall on my third climb. It was truly a blessing.
I realized then that it’s okay to fall. There was a harness and when the harness caught my fall, I had a moment of life realization.
Sometimes, in life, we fall and we feel like we’re falling to an endless abyss — into our demise. We feel like this is it, there’s no way out of this, this will be the end of me. We are so focused on the falling that we forget we have a harness on.
It’s so easy to lose sight when we are facing a huge problem. It’s easy to forget to check if we have a safety net and it’s easy to forget that we actually have one.
I’ve been feeling a little stressed lately and I haven’t felt it for so long I’ve forgotten how it feels like. So many things happen all at once and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. There have been a few moments when I felt lost. Moments when I feel like falling with nothing holding me back.
Just like when I fell when I climbed, it happened so fast my brain had forgotten about the harness I had.
My family, my partner, my close friends, all of whom who had been asking how I’m doing, offering me help if I ever need it… My safety harness.
I was so used to telling everything to my mother — every little thing — that now that she’s gone, I thought I have lost the only person I can talk to in this world.
I thought that with my mother’s gone, my only life harness had snapped and now I’m climbing really high without any safety measure.
And so when I fell, I thought this is it.
That moment of losing my grip had opened my eyes. I looked around and I saw all these faces looking at me, willing me to open myself to them. They have been saying “Come to us. We are here. You’ll be okay. We got you.”
And so I took their outreached hands. My harness, my safety net.
I put my hands and feet back on the rocks.
And I climbed. And climbed, and climbed, and climbed.
I took the gift I had been given.
I found my way back.
And I reached the top.
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