This is fourth in a series of posts, documenting my journey from depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts to my current state of wholeness and wellness today. It is written for you, the reader, who believes God is still there, yet is stumbling in the dark, wondering where the path is to light, joy and that well-nourished life.

When I started feeling like I wanted to turn in front of semi-trucks while I was driving, I knew something was drastically wrong with my brain. I had no real reason to feel that way — nothing had abruptly changed.

I began the hunt for the “right repair shops.”

The Medicine Repair Shop

The first repair shop I started with was a doctor. I wanted to get my body chemistry back on track and fast.

I met with my doctor to see what he thought about my regular medications. I had been on anti-depressants for years. What was causing this abrupt change?

He ordered blood tests and didn’t want to up the medication I was on. All the tests came back fine. He ordered an additional anti-depressant medication that might enhance what I was on. He said to come back in three weeks.

He also suggested


as a possible help. We talked about the possible stressors in my life and how exercise could raise the dopamine that might alleviate some of the symptoms.

You have to know me to realize that exercise is my worst nightmare. I have yet to figure out why exercise on a regular basis is my bugaboo.

The Exercise Repair Shop

However, these pop-up thoughts were very scary to me, so I joined a local gym with my best friend. At least, with my friend, I had someone waiting for me.

I discovered, and this may be true for you, too, that if I had an exercise partner, I was highly likely to get into the gym to exercise.

Have you found exercise to help reduce your stress? I found it somewhat helpful, but I now with the addition of the new medication, the thoughts were actually stronger. YIKES!

Back to the Medicine Shop

After the three weeks of more crazy thoughts and exhaustion, I let the doctor know this new medication regime was not working.

He had me back off the medication slowly. One thing I did learn in this ordeal is to keep my medical repair people close to me, even when I didn’t agree with them.

I wanted to increase my regular anti-depressant, but he was hesitant to do that. He wanted me to see a psychiatrist to do that. So I was off to another repair shop — the Mind Repair Shop!

What Was I Learning?

Through this time of medicine adjustment, what was I learning about my body besides the medicine not working?

  1. I knew I had to reach out to the mental health field for additional support because the medicine was not working. Luckily I didn’t feel I was dying because entrance to that support was 6 to 8 weeks out. It shows the difficulties in our mental health system. How have you or someone you love run into that wall?
  2. It was winter time as well and I began to read more about Seasonal Affect Disorder (SAD). With my chiropractor’s encouragement, I got a light box and began my own light theraphy with a light of 10,000 lux. I began fighting SAD which also helped quiet my brain chemistry. How does the lower light in winter affect you?

The Take Away

When depression and anxiety hit, my first repair shop I went to was the Medicine Shop. Was that the wisest thing to do? I don’t know. It was my path. What about you?

What do you do when you’re feeling depressed, anxious and blue? Have you consulted the medical field? What else have you done?

I am grateful for the support I’ve had from the medical field along the way. I know I’m here because of it. However, in the next couple of articles, you’ll find that it takes a series of repair shops to get the dings out of our brains.

I would love to hear your stories in the comments below.

Find the rest of the series here.


Visit Nancy at and find more of her work here.


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