What Am I Chasing?

We think we will run out of time. We don’t. We run out of us.

When time ends, then eternity which is forever.

When I was in my teens I had a recurring dream. I would be running after something. I don’t know what I was running after, but I know that just as I was at the point of catching it, suddenly it would be far ahead of me again. This dream happened over and over again for a few years. Sometimes I would go to sleep wondering if this time I would catch whatever it was I was running after. In my dreams I never did.

After I became a Christian the dream left. It hasn’t returned. I sometimes remember it and wonder if it was my soul running after redemption and now that I found it there was no reason to run anymore. The chase was over. I have no way to prove that theory. I just know it happened that way.

Usually, I don’t have the time to do everything I want to do because I overextend myself. I spider into so many other avenues and my energy runs out. Time does not run anywhere. It does not move. People move, the Earth moves, the Sun moves, the clock moves. Even my thoughts move, sometimes so fast they jam up. Time is a state of being. 

As I think of time I wonder if I am chasing things like in my dream. And maybe, just maybe, time wasn’t moving at all, but just revealing that it is always there and running after anything is futile. I am using up my energy on things that are not helping me. I am saying yes to too many things, and no to too little. I am worried about what won’t get done and what will. I am putting deadlines and expectations on myself and perhaps others that just keep the chase going. I am tired and haven’t anything to show for it except depletion of energy.

There are many stories about time in the Bible. It seems God was always doing things at the last moment, at just the right time. We always say, “He is an on-time God.” 

“He makes everything beautiful in His time.” (Eccl 3:11 KJV)

God doesn’t do anything in our time. He does it in His time. We are making plans while God is fulfilling His promises. 

Everything God did was thought of in His eternal mind. He doesn’t plan it will take thousands of years in time to accomplish His plan, but He uses time and knows when people will conform or not to His plan. He is not running out of time and neither are we.

Photo by Jiyeon Park on Unsplash

Man cannot relate to eternity so God created time and space. Then He created things to reveal time. Things that would make time move, or at least give us the illusion.

We age over time by growing. Time doesn’t age. Clocks are set to move, sun and moon move to reveal darkness and light, signifying night and day. We name the days and number the years. But does time actually move at all?

Because we chase things, however, we do run out of us, which may translate into lost opportunity.

“For You have rescued my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. I shall walk before the Lord in the land of the living.”(Ps 116:8–9 NASB)

Many times the Lord tells people in scripture to walk. Sometimes we “run” a race, or “stand still”, but mostly we are told to walk. Long term, walking has just as many benefits as running. It is easier on our knees. We can endure walking longer than running. We don’t get out of breath as quickly as when we run, much less, chase. 

My hope lies in the day to day walk with Him, not in my anxious efforts of catching a dream. There are no shortcuts to God’s destination for me.

Photo by Joshua Fuller on Unsplash

Think of how we create. We have to take an idea from our mind and place it on paper, or screen or canvas, or anywhere it will be shown. No one really knows everything that is in your mind when they see it. They cannot interpret it the exact same way you do. They see from a different set of eyes and understanding. Isn’t that one reason why we love to create? There is some mystery in it only you can fathom. We have the stabilized image set and then we watch as others move, trying to figure it out, while what is planted in our mind remains unmovable.

These are just some thoughts to ponder, and maybe they make no sense at all. I do know that Pooh said when asked, “What time is it?”, He replied, “It is now.”

Hi, my name is Mary and I am a writer of hope, sorting through the mudpuddles and rainbows of my life. I believe God can be found in all of it.
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Hi, my name is Mary and I am a writer of hope, sorting through the mudpuddles and rainbows of my life. I believe God can be found in all of it.

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