Anger is a nasty thing. It appears suddenly and makes you bite your own tail. That’s what has happened to me again today. And it made me take thought: anger is not my typical trait, I derive no pleasure from it. Nor do I yearn to spout it at someone. I just have no need of such a discharge. So why do I feel it over and over, like anybody else?

First, I realized that the source of anger is changeless.

Case 1

So far as I’m concerned, my anger is always bound up with one particular person, when he appears in my life. Once he turns up in my life — it begins to ruin.

It’s kind of funny that this never changes: the person in question is committed to stir up my existence because, in his view, it makes my life better. Whenever he is disappointed with my life, he resorts to all known methods.

And every time I realize the decisive moment has come, the buffalo is coming — I know for sure anger is waiting for me as well, and it’ll sting.

Case 2

When I’m cold and I can’t warm up.

Such a little yet utterly bothersome cause of my anger. In this case, it’s me who becomes the buffalo, and anger is aimed at myself.

The succession of my feelings is: panic, apathy, frustration.

Here’s the scenario under which people come to anger. You may not notice some things — you’re used to them and have lived that way for decades. But they do exist.

Panic: you’ve already faced the situation, and you’ve got SOS.

Apathy: the condition of retardation after panic. It takes little time, especially as concerns people who tend to excruciate their minds with something. Usually it is due to guilt.

Frustration: the result. And the cause of the next item of the line.

So it turns out that anger is always caused by the feeling of frustration.

What’s to be done?

To fully comprehend the situation, to find the wisdom to see what’s actually going on. And you’ll be surprised as things aren’t quite what you think:

Time goes by, and everything around you changes. But our reactions remain the same, they are only getting stronger over years. As to anger, it burns us from the inside with renewed intensity, regardless of its simplicity. And that is definitely not characteristic of healthy people who love themselves and wish for their own happiness.

If you take a fairer look at the situation, you’ll be surprised as it’s no longer the same as it was once kept in your memory.

The method of rewinding

If it’s difficult for you to be realistic about the situation, try to rewind the string of events. Plunge into frustration you feel before your burst of anger. Sounds creepy, but it works great. When you find yourself in some safe and pleasant place, you can afford it.

As soon as you can activate that state of frustration, look around. Take a glance at the object of your anger, at the circumstances, at yourself, and think about what you can do about it.

Take as much time as you need.

That’s what I accidentally did today when I had a little bit more time than usual. I realized one thing: that person is now similar to white noise. Not only has he stopped ruining my life — he has now minimal impact on it. Sure, the situation didn’t cease to exist, but that unfortunate line is no more.

26 yo with ASD (autistic spectrum disorder): a nice person with warm heart and beautiful-sometimes-crystal-clear mind.
26 yo with ASD (autistic spectrum disorder): a nice person with warm heart and beautiful-sometimes-crystal-clear mind.

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