How The Hell Does That Happen?

So I bet you’re wondering how in the world did “Buffed Meet Saggy”?

I might as well state the obvious, (or for some of you who aren’t that familiar with me), the not so obvious. I am like a walking conundrum. A polarizing dilemma, if you will…

I can build muscle really fast without going to the gym. Besides, I really don’t want to go to the gym anyway. I like challenging myself in other ways that are not quite as public. 

For instance, just to give you an idea of my build, I’m 5’3″, about 110 lbs or so. Give or take a couple pounds. 

Back when I had to do ALL the grocery shopping, I was leery of taking a cart, simply because the more room you have to pile stuff in, the more it’ll cost! So unless I needed bigger stuff, or more than usual if I had been hibernating… I preferred the basket. 

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that it can get heavy quite quickly. I would do my best to carry with one arm as long as possible and keep switching. That way, both arms would get a turn. 

The water here tastes off, so we drink bottled water…. Those cases can get heavy hauling it from the back of the store to the front. But I saw it as a challenge and I’d do it just to prove to myself that I could…. And get a workout at the same time. 

I’m sure some people thought I was insane… why would I carry it if I didn’t have to? Wasn’t it heavy?! 

Umm yeah, and?! 

Did I build some good muscle doing it? Of course, but my arms hurt like an SOB afterward, for a couple of days. 

Oh, and when I had to shovel the snow a kazillion times last winter?! Holy moly… I don’t think I’ve ever been in so much pain after. But my shoulders and arms have pretty good tone, not that anyone sees them but hey, I know they’re there. Plus I have some nifty biceps! Lol 

Speaking of arms, you know that kind of weird crepe-y skin texture on elbows and knees after a certain point?! Yup, that’s me. 

Or the fact that I have some decent abs, but if I try and do those weird pose things that bodybuilders do? You know… just for fun? I’m taken aback by the sagging skin around my belly button, and surrounding vicinity thereof…

Thanks to pregnancy…. 

Or the fact that my butt just hangs there, not quite sure of what else its supposed to do. 

I mean, seriously, what’s a butt to do?

Remember those commercials back in the ’80s and ’90s?

“ Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up?” 

Yup, you can apply that to my girls, my skin all over, my gut and butt… the skin on my knees that resembles the texture of elephant sags and bags… 

But hey, I’ve got muscle in there somewhere! I really really do! 

I used to think it was awesome that I had super stretchy skin…but now I may need some scaffolding to hold it up.  

Anyway, it’s still kind of cool. I can freak my kid out by pulling on it to see how far it stretches. 

But I suppose this weird talent will bite me in the saggy ass, in the end too! 

By the time I’m 70, I may need those clips to close chip bags , to hold up errant droopy skin. 

And that, my friend, is how I got buffed and saggy!! 

Avid reader, hopeful author. A mom who loves nature and animals. Visit Robin on Medium.
Avid reader, hopeful author. A mom who loves nature and animals. Visit Robin on Medium.
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