Love is a powerful 4 letter word.
It can be almost as powerful as breath, or strength, or hate.
But, what happens when it is used as a weapon? Is it as violent as a gun? Or mightier than a sword?
It can be if you allow it to be.
When Someone Says “I Love You”
In a perfect world, those words bring butterflies to your soul. You feel empowered and uplifted. You feel as though you are breathing a new flavor of air. It makes your heart burst and your soul smile.
Unless, it is wielded as a weapon.
When two people separate from a long relationship, various dynamics can occur, following the fallout. There could be anger, bitterness, resentment, hurt, desperation, sadness, loneliness and fear. Typically the one who is left struggles more than the one who leaves.
In my case, the word LOVE has been brought into conversations and struggles in trying to “let go”. It feels like a sharp knife or bullets from a gun.
“But, I love you…”
“You don’t understand how much I love you…”
“I love you more than anything…”
The words that were once craved in our relationship are now seen as various weapons of manipulation, and that is a difficult pill to swallow.
Where was all of this “love” before I walked away? Why didn’t I ever feel loved during the 9 years of our relationship? Now, it feels like the last string that is being used to keep me tied, much like the tether of a kite, trying to break free and slide through the clouds.
The breakdown of our relationship was not necessarily caused by a lack of love. It was caused by a lack of respect, zero trust, and lack of happiness.
Love was never really the deciding factor.
That word was never used often enough in a believable manner. Actions, when it comes to the four letter word, are the definition of love. Saying “I love you” felt like saving face, or pillow talk when disagreements were had.
The love we had between us has never been the deciding factor in our years together. I felt as though trust, value of each other, mutual respect, and honouring each other were more important than the “L” word.
The chemistry was disrupted in our relationship because we lacked in so many other aspects. Our chemistry was never designed on love. It was the result of forcing our lives together.
Then again, two people can love each other, even if they dislike each other. Right?
When love is used as a weapon, it is unfair.
Using that word to determine whether two people should share a life together is also unfair.
Love does not determine the strength of a positive, healthy relationship. There are many other considerations to take into account when you choose to share a life with someone.
Respect cannot be used as a weapon, nor can trust. You either have these values, or you don’t. Kindness is also something that cannot be seen as a weapon.
Love, however, can be stabbed at one another as though it is the “end all” to what a relationship is. Using the words in a manner which is desperate, or threatening, or controlling is not okay.
I say I need space- “But, I love you. You need to come back”.
I say I am not ready to talk-” I know you love me. We can make this work”.
I say I cannot see myself coming home- “I love you and I want to work on us.”
Love should never be used as power or control. Nor should it ever be uttered without respect, trust and valuing someone.
For such a beautiful word, it can be used in such an ugly manner.
Relationships can be built on love, yes, as a foundation. But, in order to truly love someone enough to share a life with them, so many other components need to be in place.
Love should not be a weapon of defense. It should be something that is shared between two people who have the foundation of trust, loyalty, understanding, and mutual respect between them. Love is a side effect of all of these things.
Put the weapon away, all it does is make me hate you.
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