Was He lost or was I?

As a child I knew Him. I knew Him well. I would sing songs to Him, I would pray with my parents every night. I knew He protected me. I knew He was with me.

But something happened.

I wandered away. Like the people on the shore who were listening to Jesus and amazed at what He said — then they couldn’t find Him. He had disappeared. They thought they would find Jesus there. But He had gone.

“The next day the crowd that had stayed on the opposite shore of the lake realized that only one boat had been there, and that Jesus had not entered it with his disciples, but that they had gone away alone (John 6:22, NIV).”

What happened to Jesus?

That’s what they asked. Sometimes I felt that way. I knew I had a friend — but where did He go? I didn’t know how to find my way back to having that closeness — that connectiveness. My friend wasn’t there.

Somehow along life’s travels we got separated. But because we were close friends, I knew that I would know Him when I found Him. He never really left me. But because I wasn’t looking for Him, He didn’t show Himself. He stayed behind that door — until I knocked.

Stained Glass Window in my home church — Stand at the door and knock.

I had to find my own way back to Him. 

No one could tell me what to do. But I can see the signs along the way as I look back. From my Father’s supernatural hug (after he died) at his funeral, to being led to meet new friends, to the tugging in my heart to seek and learn more. 

There was a nagging uncomfortable feeling, a loss and emptiness, that pushed me to find Him again. I heard, “Go get Him.”

It felt like a long journey

 — of highs and lows, lots of bumps and hills. When I read Lord of the Rings, the journey reminded me of my faith journey. The burden I carried. I fought my feelings and my head knowledge. I battled feelings of inadequacy. 

My perception of carrying a burden. 

But through the struggle, the reading, the changing of who I was — I still couldn’t reach Jesus. He seemed too distant. I had started to understand. I wanted to understand. But.. I still couldn’t reach Him.


I found Him in the quiet spot. Just as Elijah couldn’t hear from God until he stood still — neither could I. After all my searching, Jesus had been there the whole time. 

a friend’s photo

In — the — stillness. 

“and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn’t in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper. When Elijah heard the quiet voice, he muffled his face with his great cloak, went to the mouth of the cave, and stood there. A quiet voice asked, “So Elijah, now tell me, what are you doing here (Kings 19:12–13, The Message)?”

I had been going so quickly. I had been trying so hard to find what I was missing, I almost missed Him.

I needed to slow down. 

And there in the stillness of my room — He revealed Himself to me. 

And we connected. We reconnected.

So the light that shone in me as a child, shone again.

I am going to let that light shine through my writing and painting.

Let me help you learn to turn on the LIGHT of Christ. 
Let me pray for you.
Let me help you find Christ this Christmas.

I came across this video — that really speaks of listening to God. Seeking Him.

May I pray for you and me?

Lord, You seek to know each of us. But sometimes we don’t know how to reach You. Help us to find that quiet spot and ask for You to reveal Yourself to us. Help us to listen to Your voice. Come Lord Jesus. In Your name. Amen.

Something more about the door to Jesus.

Follower of Jesus, writer, artist, podcaster. Author/illustrator of Tadeo Turtle & The Kingdom of Thrim. Illustrator of Remember The Seasons. Writes at JanisCox.com.
Follower of Jesus, writer, artist, podcaster. Author/illustrator of Tadeo Turtle & The Kingdom of Thrim. Illustrator of Remember The Seasons. Writes at JanisCox.com.

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