Breadcrumbs aren’t a meal

After a night and day of insomnia, I finally got some sleep. Probably not enough to bring my body to a balanced homeostasis, but enough to chase away the delusion and nausea I was experiencing yesterday.

Many suggestions from friends came through my news feed on social media. I don’t post things often, but I did ask for someone’s input. Oh my, I got everything from prescription drugs to calming teas to more sex. What I finally settled on trying was something my daughter delivered to me. She did not post. It didn’t work. Three hours later I reached for the last Tylenol PM in the bottle and yes, I slept…some. 

I feel settled right now. The Lord put part of a verse in my mind,

“…not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith the Lord of Hosts.” (Zech 4:6 KJV)

Every year the season from Thanksgiving to New Years brings a myriad of emotions from memories to regrets to promises to expectations. So few of us don’t get caught up in it some way or another. We all know before it comes, we all prepare as best we can, but most all get hacked!

I sit now, reflecting.

We are always just one day away from yesterday. 

We are one thought away from the last thought.

January was named for the Roman God, Janus, whose face in stone was looking both behind and ahead. Time is all of it, the past and the present, but time progresses. What we decide in January, we can decide in March or in August. Yes, I understand there must be deadlines and commitments, but how much time do we really have? If we are being rushed into a decision how much impulsivity and fear is going into making it?

The world is centered around hype and our minds and hearts race. Business grows when people engage. No matter what I decide to buy or invest my money in, I am helping someone else make money. I am always looking for the deal, whether deciding on what shoes to buy or what bread. I have to to survive. I usually don’t think about who I am supporting.

One crumb of food can draw a colony of ants from nowhere! 

Ever notice that? One crumb! They must have a sonar system that calls the colony. HEY, FOOD OVER HERE! In seconds sometimes where there were none, now there are many. 

People throw crumbs for bait. So often they tell the truth. It happened for them, so it can happen for you. They aren’t lying, they are giving you opportunity. They sincerely want to help. I’m all for them! But it is a risk for all. You are not them. I am not you!

The gospels tell the story of a woman

Jesus went away from there, and withdrew into the district of Tyre and Sidon. And a Canaanite woman from that region came out and began to cry out, saying, “Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is cruelly demon-possessed.” But He did not answer her a word. And His disciples came and implored Him, saying, “Send her away, because she keeps shouting at us.” But He answered and said, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” But she came and began to bow down before Him, saying, “Lord, help me!” And He answered and said, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.” But she said, “Yes, Lord; but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.” Then Jesus said to her, “O woman, your faith is great; it shall be done for you as you wish.” And her daughter was healed at once. (Mt 15:21–28 NASB)

She wanted more than crumbs. She would take whatever Jesus would give, but she knew He had so much more to offer than crumbs. 

How discerning are we as a people, as an individual? I know it is important to be motivated and to motivate others. Growth is not stagnant. There are certain things everyone must be responsible to do in order to live, maintain and go forward. 

But growth is not always visible either. Its results can be in our spiritual life, our relationships, our physical bodies, our attitudes or any other number of complexities we are made of. It is not always about where we live and what we can afford.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

I have a personal hope, a vision and a goal. Things I remember now tell me Jesus placed it in me a long time ago before it even was a thought in my head. Now am I sensing it is taking root? Maybe it is even starting to germinate? I have to know what to feed it and when. I am not good at growing plants. I can kill everyone that I touch without trying. 

But 2 days, 6 hours and 27 minutes? That is my deadline for the offer? Jesus won’t do that. If the deadline passes without me, I cannot be guilted into thinking my chances in life are done. 

“Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.” (Phil 4:6 KJV)

Jesus will never hack you.

There is no expiration date on hope.

Jesus has more than a crumb.

I’m still considering the offer. I still have time.

Drugs are not my final answer to my insomnia. It is a temporary crumb. I’m not stopping and settling there.

“I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety.” (Ps 4:8 KJV)

Hi, my name is Mary and I am a writer of hope, sorting through the mudpuddles and rainbows of my life. I believe God can be found in all of it.
Hi, my name is Mary and I am a writer of hope, sorting through the mudpuddles and rainbows of my life. I believe God can be found in all of it.

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