Technically, it starts before your little bundle is even born.
It is impossible to sleep in that last couple months of your pregnancy. There is no true position that feels comfortable. No part of you that isn’t propped up with a pillow to support your belly, your knees, your back and so on…
Once he /she does arrive? Good luck with sleeping for the next 20 years or so!
If you’re a first-time expectant mother, please close this story now.
Sometimes it is actually better to go in blissfully ignorant! Besides, “Your baby will be different, right?!”….Hello?!
Right from the start, you will have trouble sleeping. Every little noise you will be checking. You will squint your tired ass eyes to see if their chest is rising and falling from breathing. You may even gently put your hand on their chest to ensure you can FEEL him/her breathing, or around their nose…
If you have decided to co-sleep, which I know many experts frown upon, then you’re really in for it! I did since it seemed easier than walking to a separate room to get the baby and hook him up to the boob.
Let it be known, that even in the middle of the day, I have walked into doorframes and whatnot. I certainly don’t want to imagine my baby’s head being smacked by accident because his mother is almost cross-eyed, well not quite. I just have really bad depth perception.
If you’re fortunate, you may even garner a couple hours of fitful sleep, pondering when the spawn of Satan, I mean your precious cargo will awaken for another feeding. Sucking at your achy breaky boobies…I really feel for ya!
Then, like a zombie, you do your best to get through the days with little to no sleep… wondering what the hell you got yourself into?!
And what in the name of heaven is that smell?!
Oh right, it’s you, since it’s been a couple days since your last shower that barely lasted more than two mere minutes.
A few months pass, and hopefully, you have gotten to know each other, maybe you’re even getting some semblance of sleep now.
And then your baby catches their first cold. You curse this germ infested world for daring to wrap its tentacles around your little one. The next few days are a blur of snot and tears. Plus your baby’s boogers, and or puke. Or diarrhea.
Either way Mama, call in whatever reinforcements you have… if not, know that this too shall pass.
More time passes, and now you have a rambling toddler on your hands. Exercising their first vestiges of ”Independence”. They want to see the world! Hell hath no fury like a toddler who doesn’t get their way…
And you better believe there is no fury like a tired toddler.or hungry, or overstimulated, and whatever else is not right in their world at any given moment.
Now that said baby is long off the boob, and has been for quite a while, he still likes to sleep with mama…But, this sweet child of mine is, ”The restless sleeper of all time”. I would be hard-pressed to come up with another one just like him. I actually have to build a barricade of pillows between us, and even that doesn’t seem to matter since he is big enough to roll over the pillows and still invade the few inches of space I have been awarded.
I’m hoping as time goes by he will settle and be a more calm sleeper, or I really don’t know how his future wife will deal with it!
But back to the present right?!
A long time ago, I even made up my own rendition to the tune of Lady Gaga’s, I’m On The Edge Of Glory…”
But instead of glory, I put a bed. I’m still working on the lyrics… who knows? it might just the next greatest hit for tired mom’s co-sleeping with their kids.
Can you hear that? It’s a war cry from the experts telling you not to co-sleep with your kids!!
Or is that just me?
Maybe it’s the three or four times a night that I have to move him back to his side so that his head will not knead against my bony spine or ribs… or his knees, elbows, feet…
Yes, I know the solution is simple… Hypothetically speaking of course.
Let’s just say you have not met a more fiercely determined child until you have met mine.
He has what I call a “Quadruple dose” of stubborn genes. I’ll leave it at that.
Wish me luck as I convince him that it’s a great idea to be a big boy and sleep in his own bed!